17 October 2009

Tell Laura I Love Her

You know those times, when you sit alone in your room, your roommie already 'balik kampung', and all around you are just dull, lifeless objects. I know those times, for yesterday was and today are such times. I sit, press the 'power on' button of my laptop, surf the internet for interesting stuff to read, watch episodes of Family Guy, do my assignments and so on. Then comes a moment where I would just stare away from this piece of technology in front of me, take a deep breath and exhale.

Inhale..
Exhale..
Inhale..
Exhale.

Exhale all the negative thoughts and emotions from my mind. For all that goes in has to come out, just a matter of time. Images and thoughts of the past, of how we were, the fun we had, the bond that seemed unbreakable. Are they meant to be just memories and only memories? I could not tell. I feel so nostalgic. I have felt it several times, but the truth is I just shut it off and distract myself. For what use it is to feel something that cannot be acted on when you know that things will not change no matter what? Not now, not now, you might say. If not now, then when? 6 months time? A year? 3 years?

Yes, even time takes time. Just so you know, I miss you much. Although I doubt it'll mean anything to you anymore, I still do. I hold no hard feelings or grudges against you, but feelings of sadness and definitely, love. Like they say, do unto others as you want others to do unto you. But do you treat someone a certain way because of the way they treated you? Or do you treat someone that way because it is from your heart, in a sincere manner? If your loved one were to treat you in the most terrible way, would you still love him and act in kindness and love? Or would you repay him the exact way he treated you, for revenge is sweet?

People, if any of you think revenge is sweet, let me tell you this. You are wrong. Revenge is not sweet. It is bittersweet. It is sweet, in the beginning, to see that someone receiving the same (bad) treatment you had, but then it will bitterly eat you up, the devil in you, the dark side of your soul. In this world, people only do things if they see that it can be beneficial to themselves in any kind of way. Things that make them happy, feel good, powerful, etc. Nowadays, people will do anything to satisfy their own feelings. Don't you agree? It is shallow, then again, imperfect beings we are. But it is not to be used as an excuse to continue being that way.

I am not going to justify my actions no more, for it is of no use. But I dare say - I love you nonetheless. I still care, I still want to be there. Unfortunately, that is as far as I can go because it takes two hands to clap. I will not blame you for your actions, and I hope you will not for mine. I may have not been the bestest friend, the most interesting person, or all that, but I am me. It is entirely up to your decision, how you would like to treat me since that day. I respect that.

Maybe it was right all along, that friends do come & go. People come into our lives for a reason. When there's no reason left to stay, that's when they'll say goodbye. It is like the four seasons of friendship & relationship. They might be good friends, family members, your partner, anyone. Once their season has passed, we just gotta keep movin' on. But some of those that truly have been there through it all and know you well and accept you for who and how you are, those are the ones to cherish.

As much as I do not really agree, recent events have triggered my thoughts and it makes me wonder if everything has a timeline. Just like in economics - the introduction, growth, maturity and decline. I choose not to believe this theory when it is associated with human relationships, which involves more than just a product, a person. I still stand strong to what I believe in, just hoping that people will prove me right.

Questions to ponder upon:
Has our friendship reached the climax of the maturity stage?
Is it ready to decline? If it is, are we gonna allow it to?
Is it time's up, we've come near the 'expiry date'?

I still choose to not believe in such timelines. I might be proven wrong, but I choose to stand for what I believe in. To all of you, who might be reading this or not, or maybe some of you have no bloody idea that I even have a blog, it's okay. I just want to say,


I am glad to have you in my life. Be it for a reason or a season.
<3


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