11 April 2008

The Five Love Languages

It is a book written by Gary Chapman.
Another book by him is The Five Apology Languages.

Here are the languages of love:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

Everyone speaks different love languages. The way one expresses love to others differ from an individual to another. It doesn't mean that the person whom you expressed your love to feels loved. This is because you might be not speaking his/her primary love language. In order to express oneself successfully, you have to get to know what your love language is, and the other person's love language, be it your mom or dad, siblings, friends or special ones.


How do you know which is your primary love language?
You can find out by taking a short test by Gary Chapman here and also another test here. It wouldn't take long. Just try it!


Today I'll write a bit on the first love language.


Words of affirmation would mean verbal appreciation. As written in Gary Chapman's book, Mark Twain once said,"I can live for 2 months on a good compliment." Literally, six compliments a year would've kept Mark Twain's emotional 'love tank' at operational level. I'm sure you and I would probably need more than that! Haha.


Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Haven't we all, at some time or another, felt that we weren't just appreciated, that we're simply being taken for granted? I don't know about you, but I'm sure I have.


Those whose primary love language is "Words of Affirmation" are especially sensitive in this area and will respond most warmly to words of affirmation and appreciation. Verbal compliments are actually powerful communicators of love. To 'affirm' something is to confirm its truth and to strengthen it. Many people have never learned or realized the tremendous power of verbally affirming – that is strengthening each other. Simple, straightforward statements such as below are all a person needs to hear to feel loved.


"You must be the best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes."





"You look so beautiful in that dress. Wow."


We will either feel loved, or un-loved, depending on whether or how often our spouse or loved ones just say those simple ordinary words to us of affirmation. When we speak words of appreciation to our loved ones we increase their value in our eyes – and that makes them feel loved, and it also makes us feel good in that we hold someone precious close to our hearts. When you speak words of appreciation you are filling up that love-tank!


Another way is to offer encouragement. The word encourage means 'to inspire courage
'. When we speak encouraging words we are putting courage into one another.


We should also speak kind and humble words. Love is kind. If then we are to communicate verbally, we must use kind words. That has to do with the way we speak. The same sentence can have 2 different meanings depending on how you say it.


Love makes requests, not demands. The way we express those desires is all-important. If we make known our needs as request, we are giving guidance, not ultimatum.


Remember, words are very important. Tell someone whom you hold close to your heart that you love and appreciate them today, if you haven't done so. =)